It’s been an incredible shared journey across the past three years, but major Super Smash Bros. Ultimate update news is about to come to its dramatic conclusion tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. ET. That means it’s time for last-second final character predictions ahead of Masahiro Sakurai’s final Super Smash Bros. Ultimate showcase. Nintendo has made the rare decision to really hype up this event, encouraging you to “let your imagination run wild,” and Sakurai encourages anyone vaguely interested in video games to watch. Well, our imaginations are awfully big, so here are our totally legit, can’t-possibly-be-wrong predictions for the final Smash character.
#1: Master Chief – Halo
Nintendo and Microsoft have a beautiful relationship these days. Microsoft gives Nintendo Banjo & Kazooie and Steve for Smash, and Nintendo gives Microsoft nothing. It really couldn’t be a better bargain for either party. So we might as well keep the good times rolling and bring Master Chief from flagship Xbox franchise Halo to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
For one thing, it would realize the idea of “Everyone is here!” on the most fundamental level yet, bringing together Nintendo and Xbox’s greatest icons in a frankly beautiful way. Plus, it would be the ultimate power play for Microsoft and 343 Industries to advertise the imminent launch of Halo Infinite on someone else’s console. There are no downsides here, and in all honesty, Master Chief is whom I’m most rooting for in these final Smash character predictions, even though it’s been years now since I played Halo (or touched my Xbox).
#2. Sora – Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts is a spider’s web of contractual obligations between Square Enix and Disney, and untangling those details to bring protagonist Sora to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate would be a herculean task. However, it’s far from impossible, seeing how Nintendo and Microsoft were apparently willing to spend five years hammering out how to get Steve in Smash.
If Sora were to appear in Smash, it would — at least abstractly, if not literally — officially bring together the Nintendo and Disney universes on a massive stage, which would be incredible in itself. Like Master Chief, it would anchor another massive piece of popular culture to Nintendo and the Super Smash Bros. franchise. It would likewise appease a lot of hopeful, desperate Kingdom Hearts fans, which is a secondary bonus, but it would also be nice if the more toxic fans in the fan base have to continue suffering. There are clear benefits to either scenario. In any case, Sora is certainly one of the most enticing predictions for final Smash character reveal.
#3. Crash Bandicoot – Crash Bandicoot
Look, if Sonic the Hedgehog, Mega Man, Pac-Man, and (in skin form) even Bomberman can show up to battle, there’s no good reason why one more acclaimed mascot like Crash Bandicoot can’t come to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. The character is pretty universally appreciated, his trilogy remake and its direct sequel are agreed to be awesome, and it’s honestly just weird that Crash isn’t already in Smash.
I don’t have anything more to say about this entry than to repeat the words I just said: It’s just weird that Crash Bandicoot isn’t already in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
#4. Super Mario – Movie Version, featuring Chris Pratt
There’s a tightness in your heart — almost imperceptible, but it’s there, black and accursed. It is a primordial dread. It contains knowledge you don’t dare embrace consciously: The final Smash character might be Super Mario himself, but an Illumination movie version with a distinct look and the voice of Chris Pratt.
Such a thing would be terrible, heartbreaking, a spectacular example of Nintendo misreading the room — which is why it is so extremely plausible among these final Smash character predictions.
It’s not going to be Waluigi, because that would make people happy. It’s not going to be Goku, because Sakurai says so. It’s not going to be Ryu Hayabusa or Doomguy, just to spite every rumor and report that ever claimed otherwise.
So there you have it! Tell us what you think of these infallible final character predictions for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and check back tomorrow to tell us how extremely right we were.
(Boy, we hope you realize this is tongue in cheek.)