JCPenney to develop a game streaming service, Exclusive Mario game coming /s

Google’s Stadia stole the conversation this week. But Google’s entrance into game streaming has spurred other companies to fight for a slice of that pie. It’s rumored, according to US Gamer, that Walmart is considering developing its own streaming platform for video games. JCPenney may be next, according to our sources.

Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.

JCPenney’s first step

A spokesperson for JCPenney responded to our queries with a take on the trending business prospect.

“Being a traditional department store isn’t appealing anymore,” PR Manager, J. Tobias Johnson explained to us. “It’s all about Fortnite and Call of Duty. Clothes are just not important to people. So, initially, we decided to stick to our wheelhouse but with a digital twist by opening up our own JCPenney digital department store for gamers. Here we would work with developers to commission designs for character skins, clothes, and jewelry to sell for characters in their games like Fortnite.”

Johnson continued sharing how the idea became a total flop. Too many hackers were stealing their clothes despite each download being littered with virtual “security tags.” While Nintendo was pleased with the new denim overalls design fit for any Italian plumber, the rest of the industry’s responses weren’t so positive. Too many publishers began complaining about JCPenney’s offerings. EA felt the big and tall design selection was too limited for their sports games. And, Rockstar was annoyed that JCPenney didn’t even offer any boot cut jeans.

“What kind of store is going to pitch clothes designs for Red Dead Redemption 2 without any boot cut selections? The game’s a western for cryin’ out loud,” said one of Rockstar’s producers on the hit 2018 action adventure game.

The next step

“So we went back to the drawing board,” Johnson stated. “Then we saw the Google Stadia presentation and we knew this was our calling. If Google could do it, so could we.” JCPenney is in the early development stages of their new game streaming system, which is only three days deep, really, since the Stadia announcement. But, Johnson hopes the company can have something announced by 2025. There are already early discussions with Nintendo to bring an exclusive Mario game to the service to show off his great JCPenny-branded overalls.

Many in leadership positions at JCPenney resigned this week following the board’s push to move ahead on the project. “It was probably for the best,” said Johnson. “These men and women weren’t cut out for the games businesses. All they know is clothes, jewelry, and home decor. Now we can begin looking for the right team to focus on technology.”

AutoZone next?

AutoZone also shared that the company held an interest in the space, but was still on the fence. It noted that the company hasn’t used any other computer systems aside from their 80’s IBM text-based inventory management system. So, the only hurdle for game streaming is figuring out where to start. AutoZone didn’t have any further comment at this time.

Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.

Chris Hinton
Accountant by day, video games enthusiast by night.  Somewhere in between all of that, I'm a husband, dad, and generally a giant man-child, too.  If a game is all about action, there's a safe bet I'm playing it.  I started laying waste to virtual worlds as a youngin' on the ol' Atari and haven't stopped since.